


Over The Edge

by ttfan111robstar1



Series: Little Boy Light [6]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crying, F/M, Gen, Kidnapping, Light needs a hug, Mental Breakdown, secret reveal, slipping into headspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22858144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttfan111robstar1/pseuds/ttfan111robstar1
Summary: L deliberately pushes Light into his headspace in an attempt to gain information, and is successful. However, they aren't alone this time.
Relationships: Amane Misa/Yagami Light, Yagami Light & Yagami Sayu, Yagami Light & Yagami Souichirou, Yagami Sayu & Yagami Souichirou
Series: Little Boy Light [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1637545
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Over The Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I'm super excited to be posting this fic because it basically took over my life for the past two days and I'm really proud of it. I wanted to add a little note for you in case any of you wanted to enhance the reading of this story.
> 
> There is a scene which I start with the words "It was a moment that occurred in slow motion". When you get to that point in the story, if you play the song "Soft Dark Nothing" by Lily Kershaw, you will hear the song I pictured for that scene were it to happen in the anime. I strongly encourage you listening to that song during that scene to get the full impact of the emotions I intended for that scene. You may need tissues, if not for the scene than for the song. Just a fair warning.
> 
> Also: I do not own "Big Rock Candy Mountain". It's a folk song, so no one does XD.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> This work is for Sophie: My best friend, my sister from another mister, and the person who gets me like nobody else can. I love you to pieces and I will always be here for you, no matter what.

Now that L had stumbled onto Light Yagami’s secret, he knew he needed to use it to further the Kira investigation. He knew very well that Light was Kira. It was only a matter of how to get a confession out of him. Outright torture would do him no good, considering Light’s father was a part of the task force with whom they worked. There was no way Chief Yagami would allow it. So, he had to think of another way.  
  
This secret of his could perhaps hold the key. He’d gone in circles in his head, trying to figure out other ways of getting it out of him, but he kept coming back to the way Light had broken down at the ripping of his bear. He needed for that to happen again. Light Yagami the man was a fortress of secrets. Light Yagami the child might very well open the floodgates and crack the investigation wide open.

Misa Amane had told him that the bear was his comfort object. He did not dispute her words. It had been plain to him from Light’s dramatic reaction that that was the truth. He needed to figure out what the step above that was, what he could do to get him talking. He didn’t have the cameras and bugs in the house anymore. There was no need for them after stumbling upon this gem of a secret. He knew this could be the thing to break this case, but he had to use it wisely. He constantly pondered what it could be that Light couldn’t live without. He had considered telling the rest of the task force about this in hopes of breaking his ego down and stripping him of his pride, but he knew Light was an incredibly good actor and was gifted for swaying people to see things his way. He might have made an excellent lawyer if he’d had a mind to do so. That idea was out the window. However, a new one took it’s place.

There was only one thing, from what he’d seen, that Light would not be able to do without. Misa Amane.

This would not be easy. He would have to do this operation covertly as he could, so as not to let the task force members in on it. If any of them found out that he was holding her without reasonable cause, it would widen the cracks in their belief and trust in him. He could not afford that. Much as he preferred to work alone, he did need their help on the case.

He planned it meticulously, as he did all things. There was not a hair out of place in his plan. He would have Watari take Misa to a secluded room that she could not get out of, and keep her there. Then, he would bring Light in for questioning while the rest of the task force was away. He’d assigned them each to key places in the investigation, having them all look for different things. Sakura TV, the prison where the first of Kira’s victims had died, The subway train where Ray Pember had been killed, The daycare where Kira’s first victim had died- their ground zero, and lastly the NPA, where the investigation had begun. Each point was a clue to Kira’s psychology, or so he told the task force members. Their goal would be to get inside of Kira’s head as much as they could by trying to find patterns, a geographic profile, a sense of why he chose that place. Then, with them out, he would have Light come in for the day as per usual and show him Misa on a hidden camera in the room to prove she was there. Then, the interrogation would begin.

The only flaw in his plan was deciding when to execute it. He had to make sure that Watari could get Misa completely alone so that the plan would go off smoothly. If he couldn’t get her to comply, then things would go awry quickly. He knew Misa was still furious at him about the bear incident, and he knew very well she’d fight him. Had she not been, he would have taken on this task himself.

The moment came on a crisp autumn morning in November. Misa had left the apartment early, according to Watari’s surveillance. While they no longer had cameras inside of the apartment, they had many outside and around the building. Watari had learned Misa’s routes to her modeling studio or shoot locations, and had found the best places with which to perform the task. When she passed by an alleyway that day, a hand went over her mouth and a blindfold over her eyes, before he gagged her to take her to the location L had determined. It was a short way to the car, where he bound her, before taking the driver’s seat and taking her there. When they got there, he knocked her out with chloroform, and carried her inside, untied her and took her blindfold off, before leaving, making sure the door was locked tightly.

When it was done, he told L he was on his way back to task force headquarters, and L praised him for a job well done.

That done, he assigned the other task force members to separate locations for the day, and waited for Light to come.

When Light Yagami had woken up that morning, it had been just another day. He’d gotten up, showered, dressed, eaten breakfast, and gone to work. There had been no indication of anything wrong that day. There was no sign he could look at and point to to tell him “that should have been my first clue that it was going to be a bad day”. Everything was normal then, but when he looked back on it, he would later call it the start of worst day of his life.

He went to Task Force Headquarters, to the room where Ryuzaki usually lurked. Despite a few months having passed since the debacle with Bobo, Light still hadn’t been able to think of the man in or out of his headspace without a hot, stabbing anger racing through him. Still, in order to keep up his façade, he’d gone back to work as though nothing had happened. When he saw him today, he felt that same old flash of anger, but was good at tamping it down in order to work. Two seconds later, a feeling of dread took it’s place.  
  
The room was emptied of all occupants apart from Ryuzaki himself. This was the way it had been when Bobo had been taken. Alarm bells blared wildly in his head, telling him to turn back and go home, but his rational mind told him that if he did, he’d never find out what was going on here.

He stepped forward. “Ryuzaki? Where is everybody?”  
  
“They’ve gone on separate assignments for the day, investigating locations relevant to Kira.”  
  
“Where do you want me to go, then?” He asked, though a sinking feeling in his stomach told him he wasn’t going anywhere.  
  
“Nowhere, for the moment.”

_Just as I thought._

“Okay… So what do you want me to do?”

“Come look at the monitor for me. I have something you should see.”  
  
Light paused a moment, feeling the sense of dread settle into his stomach, before making his way toward Ryuzaki.  
  
When he got there, he froze.  
  
On his monitor screen was Misa, in a little room by herself, shrieking to be let out.

“Let me out of here! Do you hear me?! Let me out!” She shrieked.

Light’s heart began thundering inside of his chest. The little boy inside of him let out a horrified, shrill shriek that he somehow managed to keep inside of his body. In a moment of complete, paralyzing fear, he just stood there, shocked. It took him a fair bit of time to gather himself.  
  
“What is she doing in there, Ryuzaki?” He sounded surprised to himself.

“Simple: She stays there until you start talking.”  
  
“Talking?”  
  
“I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’ll answer them if you want to see her again.” He said, flicking the monitor off. He wanted to shout for Ryuzaki to turn it back on, but knew it would do him no good. Ryuzaki didn’t listen well to anyone when he had his mind set on something.

“Why would you even take her? She hasn’t done anything wrong.”  
  
“Officially she’s gone into hiding from a stalker. Unofficially, I took her to get to you.”  
  
“ _What?_ ”  
  
“There are very few things in this world that you care for, Light. If I’m to get information from you, it makes sense for me to take the thing you care about most."  
  
“She has nothing to do with this, Ryuzaki. This is _illegal_. You can’t take her without a legitimate reason!” He said, though he was starting to panic inside. The little boy inside of him was sobbing up a storm, and he was struggling to keep his emotions in check.

“I have a reason.” He said calmly. “Getting a confession out of you.”  
  
“I’m not Kira! How many times do I have to tell you?! I didn’t do anything wrong and neither did Misa. You need to let her go.” He said, the last part coming out hoarsely.

“I can’t do that, Light.”  
  
“Yes you can. You can let her go and do the right thing.”  
  
“This is the right thing. To sacrifice one for the benefit of the many is a difficult price to pay for the safety of the world, but I am willing to pay it. I put my own life at stake to work this case. We have all sacrificed something in taking this on. It’s Misa’s turn.”  
  
“She hasn’t done anything wrong.” He said, feeling tears stinging at the back of his eyes, and trying to fight them back with all his might.

“And she won’t be harmed or punished as if she did.” He said, in a calm voice that was driving Light mad. “She’s only there as a means to an end.”  
  
“You’re using her!” He was practically shouting. “How is that not a punishment?! She’s done nothing wrong and you’re using her to get to me. You’re exploiting the both of us for information when we’ve been nothing but honest with you through this whole process! It’s not fair!” He said. “It’s… Not… Fair…” He felt tears streaming down his face.

The dam of his emotions had sprung a leak, and it didn’t take much for it to start a flood. He was soon sobbing with uninhibited abandon. His little boy self was grieving, scared, and would not be silenced. His legs gave out, and he fell to his knees, arms wrapped around himself.  
  
L saw his chance and took it. “This can all be over, Light, if you just answer my questions."  
  
Light changed his position on the floor so that his knees were curled to his chest, and he clamped his hands over his ears as he sobbed.

It was apparent that Light was not going to reply, too lost in his feelings. So, L clicked a button on his keyboard.  
  
Far away, Misa Amane was awake and irritable. Her screaming had done her no good. No voice had answered her when she yelled or banged on the door. So, she had to figure out another way to escape. Had she had her purse, this would have been a non-issue. She kept a few bobby pins in her purse at all times and could have easily used them to pick the lock. However, her purse, her cellphones, her bobby pins- all of them had been taken from her. So, she had to formulate a new plan.

She was in the middle of trying to figure out what she could do, when sudden noise made her jump. It took her less than half a second to recognize that sound.

_Light’s crying…_

Her heart broke at the sound, and then, a burst of fury exploded inside of her, her anger blazing bright and hot. She had had her suspicions of who took her from the start, and this proved it. L was letting her hear him cry just to torment her. Abruptly, she was beyond furious. She was murderously enraged. She could have crushed anything in her path- and that included the door. She was going to break it down.  
  
She rammed it with her shoulder, and when it didn’t break, she ran at it again. Three, four, five times, the force never diminishing with the sheer amount of her raw anger. Finally, on the eighth try, she broke it down. She didn’t stop to think about which way to go after that- she just picked a corridor and ran, looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. Her feet cycled in front of her, one after the other, pounding cement in her boots. She ran away from the sound of her baby crying with every step, choosing corridors at random and going down them. The further the sound got from her, the more she felt she was going in the right direction until- At last!- She saw daylight creeping in from the edges of a door.

She raced toward it, and flung it open to reveal that she had been in an abandoned Slaughterhouse. She saw a dumpster nearby and at first considered it unimportant, when she caught a glimmer of something in it. Curious, she went toward it, and investigated. She found her purse there, and immediately pulled out one of her cell phones. It was in desperate need of a charge. She likely only had one call to make, and she had to make it count.  
  
She knew just who to call.  
  
Across town, Sayu Yagami had just finished her morning classes when her cell phone rang. Seeing it was Misa, she flipped it open and answered the call, smiling. “Misa!”  
  
“I need you to get to Task Force Headquarters _right now._ Ryuzaki had me kidnapped and Light fell into his headspace. I heard him crying over the speaker in the room he put me in. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get there. Please, can you help me?” She said, panting.  
  
Sayu knew this was no joke. Misa’s voice was frantic. “I’m on my way.”  
  
Misa breathed a sigh of relief. “Tell him I’m coming to get him when you get there.”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Just then, the line went dead. Misa sighed, frustrated, and set her phone back in her purse, before trying to figure out how to get to Task Force Headquarters from where she was.

It was just after ten o’clock when Chief Yagami returned to Headquarters, exasperated. He’d gone to Sakura TV, just standing outside of the building, trying to understand why this specific news station was so crucial to Kira. It had been the first news station that had ever chosen to support Kira, and that was certainly a factor, but couldn’t be the main one. All he knew was that Kira must have been watching that station when the first killing occurred. It would be a fruitless endeavor to try and track down all those who were watching it that day. So, he’d left feeling defeated.  
  
Matsuda seemed to have made similar progress, considering he too was walking toward Headquarters from the opposite end of the street. They met in the middle near the door.  
  
“Any luck, Chief?”  
  
“Unfortunately no, Matsuda. What about yourself?”  
  
“Nothing from the train that told me anything important.” Matsuda shook his head.  
  
The two of them went in through the door. Once it shut, they thought they could hear something, but what it was they weren’t certain. As they got closer to their center of operations, the noise became clearer. Sobbing. Crying. Chief Yagami felt his heartbeat beginning to quicken. He knew that cry, though he hadn’t heard it in years. Breaking into a sprint, he opened the doors to the meeting room to see his son, on the floor and sobbing as though somebody had died.

He ran over immediately, and L was startled at the unexpected presence, though his expression didn’t change.

“Light? Light, what’s wrong?” Chief Yagami put his hand on his son’s shoulder and was surprised when he jerked away from the touch as though someone had tried to hit him. His son hadn’t seemed to hear him, lost in his own sobs.

“What _happened_?” Asked Matsuda, looking at L.

Before L could open his mouth to answer, the doors to the room opened again. Aizawa, Ide, and Mogi entered, before stopping cold in their tracks at the scene before them. The three of them looked at Light and Chief Yagami, then at Matsuda, all silently asking for an explanation. Matsuda simply shrugged. His guess was as good as theirs.

The four of them watched absently as Chief Yagami tried to touch his son again, to talk to him again, only to have Light jerk away from him and curl in tighter on himself. The four of them were so involved with watching them that they did not hear footsteps rapidly approaching the door. It wasn’t until the door opened that they turned to see who it was.

Sayu Yagami stood there, face flushed from running. Chief Yagami caught sight of his Daughter standing there and was rightly confused.

“Sayu?”

As he said her name, she locked eyes on her brother, and immediately ran for him. “Move.” She said, getting the policemen out of the way. Running up to her brother, she turned to her father. “I’ve got this Dad. Don’t worry.” She promised. The confidence in her voice was such that Chief Yagami pulled himself up from the ground and took a few steps back from them.

Sayu sat down next to him, not touching him yet. “Oh, sweetie... You’ve had a hard day, huh?” Her voice was nearly a coo.

Light had only been somewhat aware of there being others around him by that point. His grief had been such that the words of others had gone right over his head. However, their tone had reached him. There was a too-calm tone that he didn’t like, a concerned one that felt familiar but he couldn’t place, and now this sympathetic one. He liked the sympathetic one best and decided to try and listen to what it was saying.

“You’ve had a really scary day, huh? Are you feeling scared?”

Light whimpered, and nodded in his arms.

“It’s okay to be scared sometimes. As long as you remember you’re not by yourself. But I bet you feel pretty alone, huh? And that makes it hard to remember.”

It was! It was so hard! He nodded vigorously.

“I bet you wish someone would come and make it better, huh? Someone who really loves you and cares about you?”

The voice was so comforting. Like he’d heard it before. But he didn’t have time for a mystery now. He couldn’t stop his nod, then.

“Well open your eyes, sweetie. Sissy’s here.”

The voice was so soothing, so familiar, that he couldn’t not peek an eye out to see if it was true. Sayu was sitting next to him. It was true.

“Sissy?” The word was a frightened squeak

Sayu nodded. “It’s really me.” She promised.

The sound and sight of her finally clicked for him, and he flung his arms around her, sobbing harshly.

She wrapped her arms around him automatically. “It’s okay. It’s going to be alright.” She promised.

“He’s- making- her- be- de-e-ead!” Light sobbed.

“Oh sweetie... Sweetie, she’s not dead.”

Light looked up at her. “H-Huh?”

“She’s not dead. She called me to come here and help you. She’s on her way here right now.” Sayu promised. Light slumped forward in relief. He couldn’t stop crying. She looked over at L, knowing it was him on instinct. “I suggest you clear out of here before she gets here or there will be hell to pay. She told me what you did.” The words were said with venom.

“Sayu, what is going on here?”

Sayu looked to her father. “He had Misa kidnapped to try and blackmail Light, that’s what’s going on, Dad. She called and told me herself after she escaped.”

Soichiro’s eyes widened at the admission, and he turned to Ryuzaki. “Is this true?”

L stirred his tea. “There’s no point in my lying now. Yes, it is.”

There were surprised and horrified looks from the task force.

“Ryuzaki... Why?” Soichiro asked, too stunned to say much else.

“Because in order to get the truth from your son, extreme measures needed to be taken in order to be sure it was obtained.”

“So you blackmailed, badgered, and tried to bully it out of him?” Sayu said, disgusted. “You make me sick.”

“I’m doing what is necessary to stop Kira. That is the job I chose to take, and it’s the one I risk my life doing.”

“Does he look like he could be Kira to you?!”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“Unbelievable...” Sayu murmured, shaking her head before turning her focus to her brother.

Light’s head was swimming with new information. Sissy was here and Mama wasn’t dead but she wasn’t here either and he’d been really scared all day long and just wanted a nap but he couldn’t stop crying. It was nice that sissy was here and even though he loved her he just wanted Mama to give him cuddles. He wished he had Bobo or Blankie. They gave good cuddles. And Binky. Binky would be nice to have so he could calm down and sleep. His emotions of fear, of relief, of longing, of upset, were all jumbling together and coming out as tears. Sissy didn’t let go of him, though, so that was good. Still, there was one person he wanted more.

“Mama...” Came the deathly quiet whisper.

Sayu rubbed his back. “I know you want her. She’ll be here soon, I promise.” She said, although she didn’t know when she’d be there. She decided to try distracting him in the meantime. “Have you and Bobo made any good pictures lately?”

“Yeah...”

“Was it as good as the sailboat you colored for me?”

He sniffled. “Nah...”

“Oh, I bet it was.” She said, smiling.

He tried to smile for her, but it just came out as more tears.

Just then, the door slammed open, making everyone jump.

Misa stood there, looking haggard and out of breath. Her hair was disheveled and her jacket was half off her shoulder and had a few splinters of wood clinging to it, but she was one hundred percent alive. She didn’t pause for more than a quarter of a second before she bolted in.

It was a moment that occurred in slow motion.

Misa was running toward Light, and Sayu, still holding him, told him to look. He caught sight of her running to him, and a cry of relief escaped him as he reached for her. Her arms were around him in the next second, and he collapsed against her at once, knowing who was holding him the second it started. Misa gathered him in her arms, stroking his hair and his back and hushing him as he cried. Finally holding him close and comforting him as she’d wanted to was such a relief that she couldn’t help shedding a few tears herself. Thank goodness she wore waterproof mascara.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m here now.” She said, taking in a breath to try and calm herself afterward. She looked at Sayu, eyes shining with her gratitude. “Thank you.” She whispered, and Sayu nodded, shedding a few tears herself at the heartwarming scene before her.

After paying Sayu her due respect, she focused her attention on Light, who was still crying with vigor. She needed to calm him down quickly, and knew what would help. Gathering him to her, she began to sing his favorite song in his headspace.

“One evening as the sun went down-“ She began.

“-And the jungle fire was burning-“ Sayu joined her, and Misa smiled at her half a moment, before they continued, singing in harmony.

“Down the track came a hobo hiking,

And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning

I'm headed for a land that's far away

Besides the crystal fountains

So come with me, we'll go and see

The Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,

There's a land that's fair and bright,

Where the handouts grow on bushes

And you sleep out every night

Where the boxcars all are empty

And the sun shines every day

Oh the birds and the bees

And the peppermint trees

And the lemonade springs

Where the bluebird sings

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.”

By the end of the song, Light had his head in Misa’s lap. His thumb snuck it’s way into his mouth, and he’d fallen asleep, exhausted from all his crying. Seeing him asleep loosened something in Misa, and her shoulders slumped with both her tiredness and her relief. It was a small island of peace in an ocean of panic. She looked at his face. It was red and tear-stained, and somehow still frightened. She wanted to make sure he never cried like that again. Slowly, she raised her head, and gave L the most murderous glare in her arsenal. He appeared unfazed by it. She looked at Sayu, attempting to ask a silent question.

Sayu looked at her, determined. “I got this. You go do what you need to do.”

Misa squeezed her shoulder in gratitude. Slowly, carefully, Sayu took Misa’s spot supporting Light. Misa got up, but before she could start walking, Sayu got her attention again. “Misa?”

Misa turned back to her. “Yeah?”

“Give him hell.” Sayu said, clearly angry.

Misa nodded in solidarity with her.

Then, she turned her attention to Ryuzaki. The anger and rage she exuded was so strong it was palpable. Tension weighed heavily in the air as Misa stepped toward Ryuzaki, furious. Typically, the Task Force members would have tried to deescalate the situation, but between Ryuzaki’s actions and their own bewilderment about Light’s bizarre behavior, nobody moved. Finally, Misa reached him. Her face was enraged, but her voice was calm, not wanting to startle Light.

“It wasn’t enough for you.” She said, voice low. “It wasn’t enough for you to put video cameras and bug our home with wires. It wasn’t enough for you to take and destroy his comfort item. You had to take me from him too. You had me taken, knocked out, locked me in a room, and forced me to listen to him cry to torment me. Where is the line, Ryuzaki? Where is the line where you stop and ask yourself, “did I take it too far?”. If you haven’t asked yourself that before now, I’ll tell you that this is the time. You’re so focused on winning this battle with Kira that you don’t care whose lives you destroy in the process. You might win in the end, but you’ll still have to live with the consequences of your actions. The tears on Light’s face, the splinters in my jacket, the stitches on Light’s bear, the paranoia in my home, and the faces of everyone here are all the consequences of your actions. This is what’s come of your insane quest to stop Kira. Sooner or later, you’ll have to ask yourself when it will be enough, where the line between you being a hero or a villain is. You’ll have to look back on these moments, and ask if it was worth crossing the line you did today.” She said seriously. “Congratulations. You’ll win. But at what cost?”

Silence hung over them all like a cloud as Misa turned her back to him and walked back toward Light. Sayu gave her an approving nod, and looked at her brother, then Misa.

“I should really take him home. It’s been a hard day on him.” She said softly.

Sayu nodded. “Do you want me to come? I can make dinner if you aren’t feeling up to it, and play with him if you need some time for yourself.”

“That would be amazing, thank you.” Misa said.

“No problem.” Sayu smiled.

Misa then turned her attention to Light, and started rubbing his back soothingly. “Time to wake up, sweetie.” She cooed. “We’re going home.”

Light grumbled, unhappy to have been woken up. “S’eepin’.” He murmured.

“I know you were sleeping, but you need to get up so you can sleep in your own bed. Bobo’s probably missing you. You wouldn’t want to let him be sad, would you?”

Light’s eyes opened at that, and he let out a groan before starting to get up.

“That’s my good boy.” She said, helping him up. “We’ll get you home for a proper nap, and then we’ll have some lunch, okay?” She said, arm around him as she helped him walk to the door.

“Can Bobo sit with us?” He mumbled.

Normally she would have said no to that, but given the circumstances of the day, she said instead, “I suppose he can sit with us just for today.”

Light gave her a bleary smile as they got close to the door. She looked at Sayu, asking her with a glance if she was coming.

“I’ll be there in a little bit.” She said.

Misa nodded, and walked out with Light.

Sayu pulled herself up from the floor and dusted herself off, before turning to face her father, who looked as bewildered and shocked as she’d ever seen him. In all the commotion she hadn’t thought about what it must have been like for him, seeing all of this with no explanations given. She supposed it was her job to give one, since Misa was busy caring for Light. She ignored the faces of the other policemen, and went to her father.

“Come on, Dad. Let’s take a walk.” She said.

Though still befuddled, Chief Yagami followed his daughter as she led him to a small coffee shop nearby.

She thought about what to say as they walked, and eventually decided to answer whatever questions he had before speaking on her own views of it. They were seated in a booth, and a waitress had brought them both coffee, when Chief Yagami finally spoke.

“Sayu... What... What is going on?” He managed to force out.

She knew that would be his first question, and it was the answer to this that she’d struggled the most to formulate. “Light enjoys acting like a kid in his free time. When Ryuzaki pushed him too far, he fell into that place in his head to try and deal with it.” She said. It was the bare minimum of information and yet it summarized everything well.

“What?”

“He enjoys acting like a kid.” She repeated, waiting for her words to sink in.

Chief Yagami attempted to process his daughter’s words, but they just weren’t gelling in his mind. Her words made sense as they definitely matched the scene he had witnessed earlier, and yet they seemed ludicrous all the same. His serious, intelligent son indulging in something like that was more than a little radical to him. It just didn’t add up.

“I don’t understand.” He said, putting a hand to his forehead.

“What don’t you understand, Dad?”

“Why?”

“Why he would do that?” She asked.

Chief Yagami nodded.

Sayu contemplated what to say to that, when finally, she found the words. “Dad, do you remember when I was really little and you used to take Light and I to the park on your days off, and we used to chase each other around?” She asked. At her father’s nod, she continued. “Looking back on it, those are really the only times I can think of where he seemed genuinely happy. From pretty much when I can remember, he hasn’t smiled or laughed much. He was always busy with school or extra credit projects, and I think a part of him wanted to not have to be so responsible all the time. I mean, he’s investigating this case with you now, and he’s under a lot of pressure. I think that’s his way of taking a break from all that, you know?”

That, at least, he could understand, though it was not without a hot stab of guilt. He found himself wondering if his disciplined attitude and continual expectations of Light doing well in school might have helped cause this. However, before he could ruminate further on that, a new question popped into his head, one that needed asking.

“What about you, Sayu? Just what is your role in all this?” He asked.

She smiled. “I’m his babysitter. I found out about this by accident a few months ago and Misa called me one day and asked me to babysit him. It was a little weird at first, but I really love it now. He’s so different like that, Dad. He smiles and laughs more, and gets excited over little things that he’d pass right by as an adult. It’s... honestly it makes me feel good to see him like that and to be a part of it.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well...” Sayu took a minute to contemplate her word choice. “All of my life Light’s been helping to take care of me. He helped me with my math homework, he played with me when we were kids, he volunteered to watch me on nights when you and Mom were out and he could have gone out with friends. Seeing him like that... It really got me thinking about how much he did for me when we were kids. To be able to give him a piece of the happiness he gave me... It feels really good to give him that back, even if it’s only for a little while.”

Chief Yagami couldn’t help but smile slightly at that. Witnessing any time his children gave selflessly to one another was a great blessing. “I see.”

“I know it’s... Weird. But you get used to it sooner than you think. It doesn’t interfere with him doing his job- well, unless extreme circumstances like today happen, but that’s a rare case. He’s happy when he’s like that, Dad. I can barely remember any times before now when I’ve seen him really happy. I want that for him, and I know you do too.”

Chief Yagami nodded. “Yes... I do.”

Silence prevailed over them for a moment. Then: “What is Misa’s role in this?”

Sayu, to her credit, had no outward response to the question, though it was mildly uncomfortable to discuss with her father. “She’s the one who takes care of him when he’s like this, usually. So far the only times she’s called to ask for my help are when emergencies come up, or when Light wants to play with me.”

“I see.” Soichiro sipped his coffee while Sayu tried not to show her relief that that part of their conversation was over. Now, however, a more important subject needed addressing.

“Dad?”

“Yes?” He said, setting down his cup.

“You know how much Light looks up to you, even now. You finding out about this side of him was not a part of his plan, believe me. He cried for hours after I found out because he was scared I would reject him. He’s probably going to feel even worse because you know and he’s spent his whole life trying to make you proud. You need to make him understand that even though you know about this, it doesn’t mean you’ll be disgusted with him, because that’s what he’s thinking. The second time I babysat him, he asked me why I didn’t think he was dumb or gross for liking this. I told him that just because he enjoys something a little different doesn’t mean that I’ll think differently of him. He needs that from you now, however you can give it.”

Chief Yagami stared at his daughter. It was a moment of surprising depth between them. How quickly she saw that need in him, he hadn’t seen. He opened his mouth to try and say something, but he couldn’t quite figure out what he could say, to Sayu or Light. He sat there a moment, not quite sure of how to proceed. Finally, he found his voice again.

“I don’t think of him any differently, but I don’t know how to make him see that.” He sighed. “I wasn’t home much when the two of you were growing up. The world he’s in now isn’t one that I’m well acquainted with. I don’t think I can do what you did and dive into it, especially considering that he may not want that. I’m not sure what I can do to help him understand.”

“I don’t think it will be easy, but as long as it comes from you, that’s all that matters.” She said, attempting to reassure him. The sound of beeping distracted her from the conversation, and she pulled out her cellphone and flipped it open, staring at it for a moment before sighing. She flipped it shut, then stood up. “Sorry Dad, I have to go. Misa texted me that Light’s having a fit. I need to get over there.”

Chief Yagami stood up in his chair. “Would you like me to drive you?”

Sayu was mildly surprised, but nodded. “That’d be great. Thanks.”

The two of them drove to Light and Misa’s apartment, Sayu calling Misa to tell her she was on the way as soon as she got in, and got there in surprisingly good time. Sayu got out of the car with an easy grace before hurrying toward the apartment. Chief Yagami hesitated only briefly before following her. He needed to see this for himself. Sayu was aware of her father’s presence, but didn’t pay any mind to it. If he wanted to investigate, she wouldn’t stop him. The door to Misa and Light’s apartment was unlocked, and she entered, hearing the cries of her brother upon entry. She closed the door, but not completely, in case her father wanted to observe.

Sayu walked toward Misa, who was cuddling Light on the couch as he cried. When she saw Sayu, her face expressed indescribable gratitude.

Light had changed into his little boy clothes since coming home- a plain white shirt and a pair of shortalls (a welcome new addition to his little boy wardrobe after a long time of the same outfit), with a pacifier clipped to them. Sayu couldn’t help but find it adorable and smiled.

“Doesn’t some little boy look handsome today!” She remarked. Light whipped around at the sound of her voice and jumped up to hug her, whimpering. Sayu rubbed his back. “What’s all this for, hmm?”

“S-Sissy gonned?” He asked, trembling against her.

Being abandoned was Light’s biggest fear in his headspace, and both Misa and Sayu knew it. They both suspected this issue also existed in his adult headspace, but it was well hidden under layers of nonchalance and faux confidence. If he woke up from a nap with Misa out of the room, he’d cry until she came to get him. Sayu had had somewhat of a similar experience during her third time babysitting him. She’d gone to make dinner while he was coloring in another room and suddenly found him glued to her side and weeping. They both took the issue incredibly seriously.

“No, sweetie. Sissy wasn’t gone. She just had to make a stop before she came to see you, that’s all. Who could go away from the cutest little brother ever?” She crooned.

He pulled away from her, hope gleaming in his eyes. “Not gonned?”

Sayu smiled. “Not at all.”

He finally seemed to relax at that, sitting down on the couch again.

“See? Mama promised she wasn’t gone, and we never break our promises, do we?” Misa said, pulling him into a hug.

Light shook his head before slipping his pacifier into his mouth.

“I promised you could stay up until your sissy got here, but now it’s nap time, sweet boy.” Misa said, gentle but firm.

He looked over at her, eyes pleading as he spat the pacifier out for the moment. “B’ttle an’ story?”

Misa didn’t try and hide her surprise at his request for a bottle. She’d been hoping he would try it and enjoy it, but had only had a few occasions where he’d felt little enough to try it. “Do you want milk?” She asked. At his nod, she got up from the couch to go make it for him. Light, meanwhile, leaned into his sister, fiddling with the buttons on her sweater. She put an arm around him without having to think about it.

“Has he ever asked for a bottle before?” Sayu called to Misa in the kitchen. The sound of clanging pots and pans filled the air before Misa answered her.

“No. We’ve tried it a few times, but this is the first time he asked for it specifically.” She answered. She got the milk from the fridge and pulled one of the adult sized bottles from the back of the bottom cupboard. Unscrewing the teat, she filled it with milk and put the nipple back on, before filling the pot with hot water. She set the bottle inside of it, and slowly began to rotate it in the water. As she did so, she spoke again. “I think he’s scared.”

Sayu nodded, even though Misa couldn’t see her. She’d had the same insight. “It’s been a hard day. If I were him, I’d probably feel that way too.”

“Yeah...”

Silence prevailed over the apartment for a few minutes. Light seemed content to fiddle with Sayu’s sweater, and Sayu seemed happy to have him so calm. Misa, meanwhile, kept turning the bottle in the water.

That left Chief Yagami, watching from outside the door. The sight he could see was Light leaning into Sayu, calm as could be. He realized in that moment that this was the most serene he’d seen his son in recent memory. In that moment, he understood that regardless of how his son chose to behave at home, his happiness should come first. Clearly his son was happy this way. If that was the case, then he was glad for him.

Just then, Misa came into his line of sight, holding the warmed bottle. She took a seat on the couch and Light stopped twiddling Sayu’s buttons in order to scramble into Misa’s lap. “Ready for your bottle?” She asked.

Light nodded. “Uh-huh. Then Story?”

“Yep, then story.” She promised.

He lay back in her arms and opened his mouth as Misa slid the nipple and he began to suckle it. Misa stroked his hair, and began crooning a song to him, looking content.

At the mention of the word “story”, Chief Yagami got an idea. Completely closing the apartment door, he went out to his car and made a stop at the local mall.

Light, in the meanwhile, was content as could be. Mama was holding him and giving him cuddles, sissy was next to him, smiling, and he could finally say he felt safe again. After a scary day like today, he couldn’t think of a better feeling than being surrounded by those who loved him. The bottle he was drinking only added to the comfort. The suckling motion was soothing and the warm milk tasted delicious. The need to draw out the milk gave him a simple, singular focus, and he was practically melted butter in Mama’s arms by that point. He felt his eyelids fluttering open and shut as though they couldn’t decide whether to open or close. When he finished with it, Mama turned him around and patted his back to burp him. Normally he would have kicked up a fuss about being too big for that, but not today. The banging on his back was reassurance that Mama was still there to take care of him, and he needed that more now than ever.

When he burped, Misa led him to his bedroom for story time, Sayu trailing them. Light pulled one of his few children’s books from his bookshelf. Misa recognized it immediately. When Light was tucked in bed with Bobo under his arm and his Binky in his mouth, she began to read.

“‘Gon The Fox’ by Nankichi Niimi.” She said, and began reading. By the third page of the book, Light was in a dead sleep.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent with Light being lavished with attention from both Misa and Sayu, which he happily took in. When he went to sleep that night he felt completely safe, completely loved, and completely secure, which meant that most likely he would be out of his headspace by the morning.

Sure enough, by the morning he was his regular self again, and had gotten up extra early to write more names in the Death Note over a steaming mug of coffee. Misa gave him a kiss on the cheek as she went to check the mail as she did every morning. Before she could exit the apartment, however, she noticed a small brown package addressed to Light in front of the door.

“Light?”

“Yeah?”

She went over to him. “This was in front of the door today. It’s for you.”

“Who’s it from?” He asked, grabbing the package into his hands.

“There’s no return address.”

Curiously, cautiously, he opened up the package. There was no bomb, no video tapes. Only a book and a piece of paper in front of it.

He looked at the paper.

_From Dad. Happy reading._

Light glanced at the title of the book. _How to Think Like Sherlock: Improve Your Powers of Observation, Memory and Deduction_ by Dan Smith _._

“Who’s it from?”

“Dad.” He said, and held up the book. However, something slid out and smacked the hardwood floor. Light looked under the table to see another book lying on the floor. Bringing it into the light, he was surprised.

It was a copy of _Peach Boy And Other Japanese Children’s Stories_. He’d loved when his mother read him that book as a child. He blinked, not quite taking it in, and Misa looked at it with a smile.

“Looks like another book for story time.” She smiled.

“Yeah...” He said, though his voice sounded far away.

“Light? What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t understand why he’d...” He didn’t finish, but he didn’t have to.

Misa put her arms around him. “I think it’s his way of telling you he loves you anyways.”

Light put his hand on Misa’s wrist, taking in the thought. He’d thought his father might disown him for his behavior yesterday. Acceptance was a strange idea to him regarding his father, and yet it was the only explanation that fit. He smiled a little. Misa was right. He shut his eyes for a second, just enjoying the moment, as he thought:

_Thanks, Dad. I love you too._


End file.
